Birthday Time!

Yesterday was my nieces 3rd birthday! It was the first birthday where she actually understood what was going on and enjoyed everyone singing to her rather then getting scared and crying.
Watching her open her presents was so cute! She would read every card herself...Example: If there was a rabbit on the card she would read "Rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, 3 years old!" The next card had Dora on it so she read, "Dora, Dora, Dora, 3 years old!" It melted my heart. She would follow the card by yelling out every present she got, even "BATTERIES!"
After the gift opening she performed about 20 songs on her new pink microphone. She would sing and dance and then the crowd would roar and she loved it!!
The time has gone so fast. I still remember watching my sister give birth to her and the joy I felt. I can't believe soon my son will be that big and will be reading his cards out....I know I will cry.
As you get older you realize how fast life is passing by. A day goes so quick and there are only 365 in a year.... which means soon I will be old and my child will be grown with a family of his own.....slow down life!!

Mothers Day!

My second Mothers Day just passed. I got a card signed by my son and a nice hug and kiss. We spent the day enjoying each others company and playing, just what we love to do.
I can't help but smile as I watch him play. He isn't my baby anymore but my little boy. He is growing so tall and strong and he is extremely smart. He tells me when his bum is dirty and his juice cup needs refilled. I love how he communicates with me. Whether it is pointing or simply holding up his empty cup and saying "Mama juice!" he is now talking to me and telling me his needs and wants. The moment I have been waiting for. No more guessing (even though I can now read him like a book). It is straight forward and wonderful. I love him more and more everyday and I am thankful to God for my son and best friend!

So much has happened!

It has been a while since I have wrote on my blog and a lot has happened since then.
Daycare is a no more! I went to pick my son up on the Friday of the first week and when I walked in I saw him alone at the top of a winding stair case (with no gate) and the baby sitter was in the basement! Needless to say he didn't go back.
I got into school for Nursing so I have decided to stay home with my little man until then. I will make more money being home then I did working and paying for daycare! And I will get to enjoy everyday with him until I start college.
He will be almost 2 when I start school and he goes to a new daycare, I think him and myself will be OK with it by then. I feel awful for leaving him at the home daycare he was at because he obviously was not supervised and could have fallen to a horrible injury. In which case I would have went to jail for what I would have done to the lady.
Daycare is a scary thing, especially home daycare where they are behind closed doors and no one to witness what is going on. You can only hope your child is safe.
So now I am looking forward to spending the days with my son again and soon starting school to work towards a wonderful career that will spoil us both!

My Son After Day Care!!

Yesterday my son started his new day care. I wasn't overly worried throughout the day and I only called once to check on him. The baby sitter told me she had taken him to the school to pick up another child and when they got there my boy saw a lady with the same hair cut and color as me and ran over and embraced her. After a minute the lady said "Sweetie I'm not your Mommy". My little man took a few steps back, looked up at this Mama look alike and began to scream realizing he had just hugged a complete stranger. The baby sitter took him and quickly calmed him down and he was fine. How cute/sad!! He missed me, yay!
When I went to pick him up he was in the backyard with the other children playing in the little "house". At first he didn't see me so I observed for a few minutes. He would open the door to the house and talk to the other little boy in their special language. Then he would close the door for a moment before opening it again to do the same thing. It was cute and made me wonder what he was trying to tell the other child. Finally I walked over to the house and looked through the small window. He didn't see me at first as he was gazing through the other small openings. I whispered his name and he almost did a back flip! He immediately started laughing and ran out of the front door right into my arms. This amazing moment was short lived as he wanted back down to play...sorry buddy time to go home!
When I got him into the car he made a few sad sounds as he hated leaving his new pals, which was also very cute because he doesn't have boys to play with at home. After placing him in his seat I began to drive and through the rear view mirror I could see my cute, clean little boy was not so clean. He looked like a real boy that had been playing like boys do. For the first time he had grass stains, dirt on his pants and cheek and messy, sweaty hair! I was kind of appauled but quickly realized it meant he had fun getting down and dirty in the backyard with his new friends.
Bath time!!!!!

So this whole being a single Mum is easy.....isn't so easy to say anymore.
Don't get me wrong my son is amazing and very well behaved but he is learning the sneaky little "toddler" tricks.
Bed time is not so easy anymore! He now understand he can refuse to sleep on command and stand up in his bed, jumping up and down and yelling for Mummy's attention. He can get mad when he doesn't get what he wants when he wants it, this causing him to sometimes throw something or do a few rolls on the floor while whining. Now all of this is normal I am sure, but not easy to deal with on your own.
Its the bed time thing that gets me the most. I have to work in the morning so when he decides he doesn't want to sleep...I get a little frusterated. I dont have someone I can roll over and look at and say, "You deal with it this time!"
I do ignore him and let him jump his way to sleep, but there is still the odd time when he just wont go for it.
Taking him to restaurants is not as fun anymore either. He used to just sit in his car seat, drink his bottle and mind his business. Now we are in the high chair wanting food IMMEDIATELY, which of course, at a restaurant I have no control over. The coloring and occupying only lasts so long before he gets anxious and loud, drawing all eyes on me! I just think in my head, "Its normal for kids to make noise in public," but at the same time I want to crawl into my shell and hide.
I guess we will just be putting the restaurants on hold until he can understand, "Your food is on the way sweetie. I would not make you watch fifty other people eat just for the fun of it."
Don't get me wrong, I do love the single Mum thing and I love him more then anything...just saying its not as easy as it used to be!!
I am already nervous about the teenage years, lol!

Loving My Son

I never thought it was possible to love my son as much as I did Monday. Now its Tuesday and I love him even more. I am constantly thinking about him while I am at work, peeking into his room at night to watch him sleep and giving him an endless supply of hugs and kisses.

How can I love someone so much? I guess we will never know the answer.
How will I be able to continue loving him MORE everyday until the day I die and even beyond that? I am sure my heart will find a way.

Everyday is better then the last. New words, running faster, more teeth, feeding himself, brushing his own hair, holding large pieces of food and taking bites! Is this my baby? Time flies. I am sure I will wake up one day soon and he will be going off to University. I cant believe my six pound bundle of joy is so big and independent now.
Everyday is an adventure and a gift that I look forward to!

Work

So I am sitting at my desk right now missing my little man like crazy! I have him as my screen saver so I can adore that little dimple whenever I want.
At first I was doing good with being back at work.... It seems to be getting harder! I never would have thought that would happen.
As my son is getting bigger, walking better, saying words and much more, I am feeling guilty. I spend the majority of my day at work and when I pick him up and get him home it is normally dinner, play time, bath and bed. I feel like I dont spend enough time with him and it is really getting to me. I just keep thinking to myself "You need to work, you can buy him more presents!"
Didn't think it would be this hard...oh how I miss my year off with my boy!

Scare of my life!

Last night I put my beautiful boy to bed as usual. I stayed up for another hour and then went to bed myself. I heard him cry out as if something was wrong. I picked him up and he was limp, whining, twitching and very lathargic. He wouldnt respond and it was as though he was sleeping with his eyes open.
I took him straight to the hospital. When we got there he would sit up on my knee and make eye contact but he would still twitch now and then. When we got into his hospital room he finally started to act like himself again. The doctor said it was either a bad dream and he was in a very deep sleep or a seizure! I really would love to believe it was the deep sleep but the twitching for quite some time after makes me question it.
It is so scary being a mother. You really dont realize how much you love your child until your faced with something like this. The thoughts that run through your head as you hold your sick baby, the fear that flows through your body. I am done having babies! One child to constantly worry about is enough for me.
We are waiting to hear when his EEG appoinment is. I have faith everything will come back fine and this will be something I will never have to experience again.

Baby Sitter

Today I took my son to my his baby sitter so he could get used to the environment and interact with her, before I go back to work and leave him for the entire day. When I first got there I didn't want to leave. She is family, but being a first time single mum.... this doesn't really help matters. He had never been to her place before and had never been left with her.
My son is pretty easy going and doesn't make strange with people (thank God). This gives me a chance now and then to have some adult time and let him have play time with an aunt or grandparent.
After about ten minutes of sitting there watching him, I left.
The whole time I was running errands I kept thinking about him and if he was ok. When I returned an hour later all I could hear out in the hallway coming from her apartment was my son giggling uncontrollably! I walked in to see her playing catch with him and he was obviously loving it! There were other toys scattered across the floor that I am sure he made his way through. This set my mind at ease! I felt a great sense of relief just seeing how much fun he was having with her and how good she was at getting down to his level and playing with him.
I finally feel ok about going back to work.

The time is near, work is here!

So this Thursday I am back to work. The good news is I got a new job. It is a more relaxed and enjoyable environment. It is also local so I wont have to drop my little sweetie off at the babysitters as early as I thought (YES!)
I am going to be sad but I am confident in my new sitter. She also promised to record special moments I miss!
As of right now...enjoy my last 2.5 days home!

Back to Work! :(

So I found out today I am back to work in a week! I am dreading it. Someone else will see my little man more then I will. What if I miss the first step or word! What will I do?? I am so full of different emotions right now I could not describe how I was feeling if I tried.
I just laid him down for his nap, but this time I let him hold me and fall asleep before I put him in his bed. A special moment between us because I am sure they will start to become scarce when I am gone all day.
I need to win the lottery so I can stay home and raise my son.
For now back to work I go. So sad.

Me and My Boy

My son is going to be one in exactly a month. Wow the year went fast! The memories of cradling his tiny 6 pound body already seem so vague. The moment I held him and admired his every inch, from the tip of his cone head to his tiny little toes, I knew he was special and he was all mine.
I have been on my own since I was pregnant. In a way I felt like I was missing out. I didn't have anyone to rub my belly or read stories to "our" bundle of joy. On the other hand I felt lucky. I was the only voice this baby knew. The only laugh, the only love. I was this babies world! I was and still am Mummy and Daddy!
So now I look at my son and know I am his everything. Do I feel sad and lonely.... No. Do I feel blessed.... of course.
So who is going to teach him about sports, mechanics, how to be a handy man, women, love, life.... Me! I am going to have to learn some of this as we go, especially the mechanics, but we will do it together.
I am his and he is mine and we could not be any luckier!